The emptiness

As I grew older I knew the inevitable will come by, the increasing level of difficulty in life. As I had braced myself for this since I stepped out of high school, I was not really prepared to embrace one of the consequences of the situation. This thing is called "depression".

When I was doing my GP, everyday were full day, get up really early in the morning, get the bus, arrived at the clinic 1 hour later, then take the bus again in the afternoon, have some of "my" time between 6-12pm the go straight to sleep. At this time, the new students are coming, the club wants me to help them, the house need some shopping, the letters need to be send.

Almost everyday, when I was in the bus, my mind suddenly felt worried about things that unclear. I felt like I was alone in a bus packed with schoolchildren. My heart beating so fast I felt like drowning. My chest felt tired. My ear heard nothing. I felt so lonely. I felt there was nobody there that could can help me.

The only thing that keeps me happy is my laptop. I can watch tv, sports, playing computer game, look at pictures of my family and friends, or occasionally writing some blog that did not even make sense. Why am I still here? Whats wrong with me?