When People Doesn't Believe You

On Tuesday I was down with stomach bug. It started about 5 am, when I suddenly woke up to a very nasty feeling in my stomach. It kind of dull pain, and feels like circling around the upper epigastric. After few minute, I finally resort to vomiting and there goes my dinner the night before. It was pretty bad, all my muscles in the chest region were in pain after that, my body became warm afterward and my head was so heavy. Thus I missed my second ophthalmology class.

Coming to the class yesterday, my consultant asked me why I wasn't in yesterday. I told him I caught pretty nasty stomach bug. He sympathised, but then jokingly suggested I may taken a day off and said "nice try". Don't get me wrong, my consultant was joking to me and he didn't meant to said I dodged class on purpose. There's no issue in here, and I am cool with him.

That incidents reminds me of countless incident where people doesn't believe in me when I was really telling the truth. To be honest I did bluff a lot when I was small, bluffing my parents about my homework, my teachers, my friends, and other people that I need to. I was naive, and for me bluffing is the easiest way to escape from problems. My conscience wasn't fully developed to understand how bad was bluffing. But as I grew up into a Napoleon Dynamite, I became a straight guy, doesn't bluff anymore, and will felt uncomfortable and nervous everytime I open my mouth to start bluffing. Honesty is very rewarding, everybody respect you and your opinion.

The only problem is I became super sensitive everytime someone doesn't believe in me. This usually happens to a complete stranger or someone who doesn't knew me very well. One time I went to this junior from Sarawak in my high school. If you all knew me, my mom came from Miri, Sarawak and I basically travelled a lot over there. So it happened that he took out one of his writing book that has a map of Sarawak. I started to tell him that I've been to Miri and I travelled down to Kuching. Before I even finished my first sentence, this young bloke started yelling, "Tipu! Tipu!". To conclude the story, we just talked twice afterwards over the next 4 years, and he was really not my very best friend.

Another one is much worse, because of the person's status. Near my SPM examination in 2003, I received a huge blow to my left eyebrow during a soccer match, causing it to swells up really big. It disfigured my face, to the extent my friends said I looked like a flowerhorn (the fish). After few days the swelling reduced but there was internal bleeding from the eyebrow region, rendered it blue. Then it follows the gravity, and the bluish color came down upon the eyelids, to the side of the nose, and underneath the eye. On first impression, it clearly seems like I've been punched in the eye.

I went to a doctor in Seremban just to have a check whether there was fracture on my skull, since the bleeding was quite serious. The doctor (who was pregnant at that time) asked me what happened. I told the whole story and she paused. She called in another nurse to have a look at me. She said, "Did he looked like he got banged on the head while playing football?". I was startled by her statement. She continued, "A lot of people tried to bluff when they came in with eye bruises". Yeah well, the problem is I was telling the truth, I wasn't making story. How could a person with this attitude be allowed to became a doctor?

Well, after high school I learnt that cool was everything in sense of solving problem. I have to be cool with anything you know. If I was cool back then, I may not made a big deal with people who thought I was bluffing. And that wont leave a feeling of hatred and vengeance in my heart towards those people. I also could have make friends with cool people back then, who puts coolness over emotion in their jokes around their clique. For me, the closure is to forgive and forget. Once I did that, my soul will become more peaceful, and I'm cool with them now.